Holly has warned me to not be too cynical in this post...I will try. However, what I am about to say here must be said. Well, here goes - I have no tolerance for the old school mentalities regarding adoption, especially in international context! Here's what I mean: over the past couple of weeks Holly and I have encountered situations in which people cannot understand why a white family would want to "mess up" their family by including someone of another ethnicity. Let's get straight to the heart of things here, what people are worried about is not having a child of another "ethnicity" in the family. What they are worried about is having a child of another color in the family. (Need I remind everyone that we are all immigrants except for Native Americans). Back to the subject at hand, Holly and I are truly blessed that our immediate families have embraced this dream with open arms. There is nothing that is worth more in this process than an accepting family. However, a family cannot shield from those in the community that are worried about "the purity of the species." Let's take a moment and think about what is going on here.
First of all, the people that have a problem with international adoption, are in many cases, the same one's that look down upon adoption in any case as being a "plan B." Adoption is never, nor will ever be a "plan B." If you are reading this and you are attempting to adopt because you have to do this in order to have children, then think twice before you do it. There are many reasons to adopt, but first and foremost, you must come to the conclusion to adopt out of a sincere desire to have a child understanding that the child is already a part of who you are. God does not deal with "plan B" scenarios and to tell a child, or even remotely think of a child as being a "plan B" is to construct a narrative contrary to the kingdom of God. Unity is realized in diversity. Our family will only be complete when it encounters the diversity in adoption. I would argue that the people who have a problem with international adoption because it "messes up" the family photos, will in no way achieve unity in their family, because they have no basis out of which unity can come. We only know ourselves in relation to others. Complete and perfect unity in anything; economy, philosophy, theology, etc. Is destructive. Unity can only come as we realize our relationship to the other. My relationship to my Guatemalan child is what makes me unified as a person, father and lover of my wife. What Isabella will bring to our family is something that I do not want to miss, it is something that I cannot miss and still be complete. At the same time, what Isabella will bring to our family, as the dissociated other, is our family. Through opening up our doors to allow another into our family, we discover that our family is what was there all along.
1 comment:
Some people still have a hard time with multi-cultural families.
We thought a lot about it before we adopted Samuel (his birth mother was white, his birth father was african american). We never questioned whether we wanted him or not we only questioned our ability to handle the criticism and maintain a right attitude.
There are some good resources out there. I found a cool forum (I forget the name now) that is for people adopted by parents of a different race. Kids are pretty resiliant.
Something that stuck with me was the fact that even though we were white, we are now a part of a multi-cultural family. I am much more sensitive and aware of how minorities are treated.
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